Overeaters Anyonmous Day 3

Well this is new. First time ever I have wrote a second time on a weight loss blog. I have opened at least three blogs under various names. This is the only one I have made a second log entry.

Never quit quitting, right?

Moving in the winning direction.

So I woke up after dreaming I had lost some noticeable weight. I have been thinking a lot about my first meeting. Honestly I don't get any of the in's an outs of the program. But the one thing, which I know it the first step is abstinence and that is what I have been thinking the most about. Again, I don't know how that works but I do know many things I need to abstain from. I haven't committed to abstinence yet until I know what is reasonable. I think I could have a list a mile long.

I need to stop eating past a certain time at night. I have always resisted this because I think it is basically dumb. I think eating is a calories in, calories out thing not a time of the day you eat thing. But I see what OEA is trying to do. Get your mind off obsessing about food.

Speaking of obsessing.....A week or so back I sliced into my finger opening a can of veggies. It was a duzy, plenty of blood. I had to sit on the couch so I didn't pass out I felt so lightheaded. Me getting the squirmies over medical stuff is still foreign to me but alas it is who I have become. All the while i could feel my heartbeat in my finger. Banging, relentlessly.

I had a similiar expereince this week with food. I went to 7-11 and got my kids a hot dog and they had a promotion going on where you got free chips with each dog. So I got two bags. Since I don't give my kids chips like that, I tucked them under the console of our car. And the heartbeat began, banging relentlessly. I tried portion control. I picked the smallest bag and shared with my kids which was only two servings between the three of us. I thought I was out of the woods but, the banging was relentless. 10:30 at night I couldn't shake it. I had to go get them and scarfed them all down. I literally could not rest until they were gone. And, well what do you know, the heartbeat went away.....

My problem is my actual soul is going away with each bag of chips, each, slide on this slippery slope we call an eating disorder.

Kind of full circle but I get the no eating after  a certain time of the night. If that were a rule of mine, those chips would still be there, they would have lost their hold on me for that moment anyways......

Never quit quitting......